Comfort Through Culture
My family at a Chuck E. Cheese during much simpler times (I was 4, I think) 💕
The comfort of eating warm food feels similar to a hug from a loved one. A favorite food memory of mine is when my mom, brother, & I were sitting on the wooden steps in our living room watching cartoons at night. My mom was hand-feeding us Tricky Tomato Maggi Noodles and would alternate between feeding me and my brother bundles of noodles. I think that memory has stuck with me for many years because of the casualness and intimacy of sitting on those creaky wooden steps, eating warm food from my mom’s hand, and sharing the memory with 2 people I care about.
If I were to replay that memory in my head but replace my mom hand-feeding us with spoon-feeding us, the comfort from my family would remain intact but the memory itself would feel less genuine. As an Indian, eating with my hands is part of my culture. I may not know much about where this tradition comes from, and sometimes feel guilty about it, but performing the act of eating with my hands every day makes me feel like I’m celebrating my culture in my own way.
I used to feel so embarrassed in public, especially at school, when I would have to stop myself from eating with my hands to act more “civilized” and “clean”. It’s kind of silly knowing that if I were in India, eating with my hands wouldn’t be seen as weird but because of the unfamiliarity a lot of kids in my school had with the concept, eating with our hands was looked down upon. Not even mentioning the mean looks and rude comments a lot of us kids from different cultures would get for bringing in “ethnic” food to lunch would get, it was hard not to feel like an outsider. I’m not trying to say that eating with a spoon is wrong but it just feels too mechanical, especially when you’re eating foods that unlock memories that can’t be explained adequately with words. Not feeling comfortable eating with my hands wasn’t a big deal, but the shame I felt for not being able to do so was an issue I faced (and am still facing) with many other aspects of Indian culture.
It took me a long time to acknowledge that I can be proud of my Indian culture without knowing every aspect and reason behind our traditions. I’m still working on reminding myself that it’s not cultural appropriation for me to do things like wear a Bindi, no matter how detached I may feel from my culture. A balance must exist between exploring myself and acknowledging that I’m both Indian and American, I shouldn’t have to pick between feeling more of one than the other. Even though I sometimes feel like an outsider here in Amsterdam, the comfort I feel through exploring my culture little by little every day makes me feel like I’m making my younger self proud, and it keeps me motivated to continue learning more!
Exploring your culture can be difficult, especially when your identity consists of more than one culture. I’d love to hear your experiences dealing with multi-cultured-ness and comforting meals in the Comments section!
